News Release: Crime Prevention Show to Air Interview WomanSavers Dating Expert Stephany Alexander March 1, 2010
Dating Expert, Stephany Alexander, Reveals the Top 20 Do’s and Don’ts of Dating Rules February 16, 2010
As an online dating expert who has given dating advice to tens of thousands of people since early 2000, there are 20 basic Do’s and Don’ts in the world of dating to help you increase your chances of succeeding in dating. Dating can be fun and exciting but getting involved with the wrong person can destroy your life. How do you put the odds in your favor when dating? I have broken down the top 20 rules of dating to help you find that special person.
TOP 10 DATING DO’S.
- Do relax and have fun. Dating is supposed to be fun so make it fun. Choose activities that you both love so you can relax, laugh and enjoy. If you think dating is miserable, then don’t do it.
- Do groom yourself before your date. Make sure you are freshly showered, have fresh breath and have an outfit on that flatters you. Save your crazy or overly sexy outfits for when you get to know the person better.
- Do Listen. Listening is more important than talking. Ask your date lots of questions and hone in on similar interests. Don’t brag about yourself constantly because that is the ultimate turn-off.
- Compliment your date. If you think your date looks nice, say so. Don’t focus on your date’s imperfections; focus on their good points. If it looks like your date took time to get ready, compliment them by letting them know.
- Be positive. Don’t complain on your date. Nobody wants to hear how miserable you are. A poor attitude can destroy a date faster than anything.
- Be honest and upfront. If the date didn’t click, tell your partner that you will have to think about it and that you will contact them again if you are interested.
- Be proactive. You need to take the initiative to meet people to date. Practice flirting, smile, be friendly and make eye contact. This will show people you are available and will increase your chances of being asked out.
- Do date creatively. Don’t go to the movies where you can’t talk or get to know your date better. Go to dinner, bowling and then a movie or go horseback riding, hiking or to an arts or music festival.
- Do let your friends and family know you are dating. You never know when someone you know may try playing matchmaker for you. It may or may not work out but you should be open to meeting someone new.
- Do be polite and have manners. Offer to pay for all or half of the date even if you are a woman. Say “please” and “thank you” and be respectful of the other person’s feelings.
10 DATING RULE DON’TS
- Don’t be late for a date. Make sure you leave early enough to deal with traffic delays or other things that could delay you. Being late shows that you don’t respect the other person’s time and sets the date off on the wrong foot.
- Don’t chase someone. Don’t phone, text or email them more than once a day unless you are in a conversation with them and they are replying. Being desperate is a huge turn off.
- Don’t date people who you think will use you. If you have money, don’t tell the other person. If a man comes on too strong for sex early on, shut him down and move on. You want someone who wants you for you, not what you can do for them or give them. Once they get what they want, they’ll move on to their next target.
- Don’t lie to your date. Don’t over exaggerate your income, education or what you do. These lies will eventually come out and then you will appear as a dishonest loser.
- Don’t come on too strong. If you are anxious to get married right away, that’s okay. However, constantly talking about serious commitment issues such as marriage and children on a first date can scare your date away.
- Don’t sit around and wait for his or her call. Stay busy. There is nothing more pathetic than someone who immediately drops their life or routine for someone they just met. Your goal is to have a fulfilled life that another person can add to.
- Don’t get drunk or use drugs on your date. What kind of an impression are you making if you are incoherent when you first meet? Your date will think you are like that with all people.
- Don’t flirt with others while on a date. This may seem like common sense but nothing will end your date faster than you hitting on your date’s friend.
- Don’t have sex with someone until you have dated a while. A while does notmean 1 or 2 dates. If it was meant to be, it will be and part of the fun of dating is the thrill of the chase.
- Don’t give out too much personal information on a first date. Keep your home address and telephone number confidential until you get to know your date better and make sure you always meet in a public place.
Written by Dating Expert, Stephany Alexander, B.A., Author, Women’s Speaker, CEO & Founder of www.WomanSavers.com Free Date Screening Service
Ms. Alexander is frequently called on by the media as one of the nation’s leading Dating Experts. She has been featured on CBS, FOX, E! Entertainment, Mike & Juliet Show, Good Day Las Vegas, Esquire Magazine, Wall Street Journal, NY Times, USA Today and countless radio shows.
Break-ups seem to be, unfortunately a normal part of the modern day life. Healing from relationship break-ups and divorce are a difficult task at best. Some people never completely recover, carrying with them the pain of the break up through life. Others become immobilized from the fear of getting close to a partner again. Even celebrities have break-ups; Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to be said the most famous one.
Some women try to speed up their recovery time by replacing the void with another man or woman immediately. According to a poll of over 8,000 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 57% of women have thought of having a same sex affair. Jumping into another relationship without proper healing time is one of the worst things you can do. Women who are guilty of this frequently suffer from codependence and have never learned how to be happy alone. However, until a woman learns how to be happy on her own, she can never be happy with a man or woman.
Even if you are the one who initiated the breakup, the feeling of loss and separation can be distressing. There is a mental state called “separation anxiety”, which describes the feelings you may have now that your partner is no longer a part of your life, your thoughts, and your emotions. The important thing is to figure out the best way to get past this and get the breakup out of your system. The following are the top 10 ways to recover from a break up and speed up the healing process.
1. Allow yourself plenty of healing time. Different people heal at different rates so be patient with yourself. It’s okay to grieve and cry, just make sure you make an effort to not use this as an excuse for being a hermit many months later.
2. Stay busy. Don’t allow yourself any “daydreaming” time. If you have time for a part time job, get one. If you don’t want a job, take up some volunteer work. Take up a hobby. Focus on anything you enjoy.
3. Exercise and improve your diet. Besides giving you a positive endorphin rush, joining a gym canput you into social circumstances. Through exercising and improving your diet, you’ll not only be taking care of your body and your health, you’ll improve your self-esteem as well.
4. Make an effort to meet new people. Join a club, take a class, volunteer, go the park, attend a concert. Allow these larger social groups to replace the connections you had with your lover for a while. Take action and just do it.
5. Seek professional therapy. There is no shame in seeking outside help. If you can’t afford therapy, seek out a support from a relationship recovery message board.
6. Surround yourself with as many family and friends as possible. If your relationship with your friends and family suffered because of the huge amount of time you spent with your sweetheart, now is the time to patch up old relationships.
7. Focus on yourself. Much of your energy went into your relationship and now you have time to pamper yourself. Take those long baths you never had time for, read that saucy novel that has dust on it, so now is the time to work on yourself.
8. Strengthen your spiritual side. Go to church, learn from a yogi, or pray. It’s amazing how these things can help re-center you.
9. Give advice to other women who have it much worse than you. It will put things in perspective and allow you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are lots of people with problems far worse than yours. Help them.
10. Adopt a pet. Studies show that people with pets are overall happier and live longer. Go to your local animal shelter and adopt a pet in need. Just make sure you have the time to take care of your new friend properly.
Print out this break-up advice and place it somewhere where you can see it every day. Utilizing the above 10 ways to speed up recovering from a break-up won’t take away the pain, but it will definitely help ease it.
Breaking up can be a painful and unpleasant experience no matter which party chose to call it quits. Some women can just wake up one day and feel better about the lost relationship. For others, the need to cling onto what you once had, especially when times were good is strong and can make it difficult to cut him loose. But when it’s over, it’s over and for your own sanity and mental well-being, you need to learn how to let go.
So how can you move on after a breakup? Here are some tips to help you:
• Unless there is a child involved, sever all ties with your ex. Don’t call, email, stalk him on Myspace, show up at his workplace or in any way have any further contact with him. If he’s still hanging around your mutual hang-outs, try to steer clear and go someplace new in town. Put some space between the two of you so you don’t obsess over what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with.
• Don’t rush to get into another relationship. It’s not fair to your "rebound guy" and you’re only setting yourself up for more hurt. Take some time for yourself before rushing to get with someone else.
• If there was abuse in the relationship, seek help dealing with this. You could seek counseling, talk with a good friend, meet with a religious leader or read a self-help book. Whatever it takes for you to overcome the pain of the abusive relationship is needed before you can completely move on with your life.
• Throw out the junk. Get rid of your old love letters, photos, that teddy bear he won you at the fair when you first started dating; throw out everything that reminds you of him.
• Do something for yourself. Take time to care for yourself. Visit a spa, get a pedicure or manicure or get your hair done. Even something as small as buying a new outfit that makes you feel great can help boost your self-esteem and your emotional state.
• Have a good support system. It’s important that you have someone you can talk to and lean on during your breakup. You will want to release your feelings and emotions and it helps to have a good shoulder to cry on. But be sure it’s a healthy situation. Don’t cry to your ex’s best friend or that cute guy at the bar. Your support system should be your mom, your best girlfriends or even a counselor or therapist.
Many women discover that it’s not their ex they’re having such a hard time letting go of but actually the feeling of being in a relationship. Being part of a couple makes us feel complete and whole. It can make us feel safe and there is a security in this, even if the relationship itself is bad. We cling to what is familiar to us even if it isn’t right or even healthy for us. Until you truly move on and let go of your ex, you will never be able to move forward into new healthy relationships.
So you’ve had a fight, or maybe you’ve been having fights for some time now and it just doesn’t seem like things are working out. Has your partner cheated on you, lied to you, or used and abused you in some way which has caused you to think that breaking may be the right thing to do? How do you do you know if it’s time to break up or make up? How can you determine when it’s a good idea to forgive your partner and when it’s best to just move on with your life?
The truth of the matter is that no one else on this earth can tell you exactly what you should do. Ultimately, only you can make these types of decisions about what is best for you and only you and your partner together can determine whether or not your relationship with work. However, we’ve all been in a situation where it was difficult to know what to do and making the right decision was clouded by emotions.
Studies show that people who are married or in committed relationships are healthier, happier and live longer lives yet the divorce rates are higher than ever before and fewer people are getting married than in the past. So what does this mean? People are falling in love but many don’t know how to stay that way. You shouldn’t have to stay in a bad relationship and we definitely aren’t saying you should stay in an abusive or threatening relationship but this isn’t to say you should run away every time things aren’t going quite your way. Typically you will only find yourself in the same situation in future relationships unless you learn to deal with problems maturely.
When deciding if you should make up or break up, here are some things to consider:
• Was there abuse involved?
• Is your partner an addict of some sort?
• If your partner willing to get help for an addiction or other problem?
• Has your partner expressed remorse for what he has done?
• Does your partner also want to work things out?
• Can you forgive your partner for hurting you?
• Do you love him and want to be with him?
• Do you still feel happy in the relationship?
If you are unable to forgive your partner for what he has done, then it’s time to move on. If you stay in the relationship harboring resentment and anger it will tear you apart and make you both miserable. However, in many cases the problems can be resolved and the couple can learn to rebuild from some of the most destructive relationship problems such as infidelity. Many couples make up and go on to live happy lives together and some are even strengthened by the problem that once threatened to destroy them.
We hear about people breaking up every day. In fact, you probably have a lot of friends or even family who are experiencing breakups on a fairly regular basis. Why does it seem that so many couples are calling it quits these days? To truly understand why so many couples are going their separate ways, you have to understand the reasons why people are breaking up. We live in a society where we are encouraged to go after what we want and dump those things from our lives which hold us back. Could this be one reason why more people are giving up on their relationships?
Another problem could be that people are not as willing to work on their relationships anymore. We live in a somewhat selfish society where people want what they want and are not willing to compromise or participate in the give and take that is needed for a healthy relationship. There are some acts which are automatic deal-breakers for many people yet there are other problems that could potentially be resolved if we only gave it some effort. If we put half as much effort into our relationships as we did other things in our lives (such as our jobs), would there be as many couples breaking up?
To understand why so many relationships are not working out and why many of your own may not have worked out, you need to look at why people are breaking up. What are some of the top reasons that couples break up?
5 Reasons Couples Break Up (In no particular order)
1. A desire to be independent
3. Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual or combination of the three)
4. Past problems or fears interfere with current relationship
5. Not making the relationship a priority
Some people simply aren’t ready to be in a relationship. They may think that they are and then discover they are not or they may be in the beginning until certain situations arise to make them desire to be independent. In some relationships, it is a mutual decision when both parties think they would rather be alone.
Infidelity is often a deal-breaker for many relationships. While some marriages and couples survive cheating, it is a common reason for split-ups. Many people simply can’t live with a partner who would cheat on them and some split-up because the cheating party now wants to be with the other person.
Abuse is another common reason for breakups. There are many forms of abuse and it leads to the breakdown of the relationship between the two parties. Some women leave at the first sign of abuse while others put up with abuse for many years before finally calling it quits.
Past problems or fears that you have from previous relationships in your life can also interfere with your current relationship and lead to fighting and an eventual breakup. If your partner has unresolved issues from previous relationships, this can also lead to problems in yours.
One of the most common problems that couples face is with not making the relationship a priority. When you do not take time for your partner or for your relationship, it will suffer. This doesn’t just mean that you make time to deal with problems. It also means that you make time for one another on a regular basis and that you plan to spend time together regularly. Do something special or romantic for each other and show that you care. Failing to give your relationship the attention it deserves will eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
There often comes a time in relationships where you know it just isn’t going to work out. If for whatever reason you find it time to break up, you need to know the right way to break off a relationship. Breaking up is harder for some people than for others but no matter which type of person you are, it still helps to know the right ways to break it off cleanly.
Here are some things you should know if you feel it’s time to call it quits:
• Don’t just ignore him. Refusing to return calls, ignoring your boyfriend and avoiding him hoping he will get the hint is immature and impolite. Regardless of your reasons for breaking up, you owe it to yourself to have the respect to let him know. Not to mention, if you simply wait for him to "get the hint" it could take awhile and this could be more annoying and bothersome than simply sitting down and telling him the truth.
• Make up your mind. Don’t be one of those women who says she’s going to break it off and then makes up a few days later. Reconciliation is one thing but the continuing flip-flopping of an on-again, off-again relationship is not healthy for anyone (including your friends who have to hear about it!). If you’re going to break up, make up your mind and then follow through.
• Don’t break up over the phone. Especially do not leave a phone message, text message or email to break up with your partner. Part of being a mature and stable adult is learning to handle all situations with maturity and grace, even the negative ones. If you worry about how your boyfriend will handle the news of a breakup, you can bring along a friend or meet in a public place but don’t cop out and do it in a message.
• Don’t break up through a friend. On the same note of the point above, don’t send a friend to break the news or tell his friend to tell him you don’t want to see him anymore. Also so don’t try to get him to break up with you by your actions. If you’re dissatisfied, take responsibility of your own feelings and just let him know.
• Always be clear. Be sure you let your man know that’s over. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you have no desire to see him anymore. Phrases such as "I just need some space" or "I need some time to get my head together" will lead him on or make him think there is still a chance if he waits for you. Be blunt and allow him to move on as well.
• Offer a reason. Have you ever been dumped without a reason? Think of how you agonized over the issue, wondering what it is you did to mess up the relationship. Offer your man a reason for why you’re calling it off. Keep it simple; there’s no need to insult him or point out any and every flaw. Just tell him how you feel and why you think it isn’t working out and the relationship is beyond repair. Don’t allow him to think that if he changes somehow, you can get back together.
• Avoid breakup sex. When it’s over; it’s over. Resist the urge to have one last romp on your way out. This will only confuse him, lead him to believe you’ve changed your mind or leave you feeling guilty and sleazy. Break it off and walk away.
While breaking up is usually never a fun or easy thing to do, you will feel better about yourself and the situation when you follow these steps to the right way to break off a relationship.